Morning at the ER

God, it’s been rough lately. As I type this, I’m texting back and forth with my husband who is at the Emergency Room with my son. They’ve been there well over three hours and checked in at 4 a.m. Cy has been feeling so so sick the past 24 hours. He’s had a fever since last Thursday that just won’t go away. And last night he couldn’t sleep at all. He kept complaining about the side of his face hurting so badly and he has diarrhea and a cough. My dear boy. I’m thankful that the doctors are getting him on antibiotics and anti-inflammatory medicine right now. I would love to ask for prayer that his body responds as it should to these medications, equipping him to fight the infection.

Since I wrote last, I’ve found myself in a bit of a slump. I have a really exciting adventure planned later on this week and I’m so scared that something’s going to keep me from going. I keep asking the Lord for extra grace, for provision, for healing for my family. My throat is scratchy and I’m rundown from not sleeping last night and I’m likely fighting this virus but I want to believe that I’m going to be better in time. I keep finding myself at a crossroads, whether to release my desires to the Lord, to entrust Him with them (whatever the outcome) or to grip them tighter, to wedge them deeper in my soul and wrap them in a way that they won’t break.

Because I’m scared that if they break, I’ll break.

Disappointments hurt me so deeply.

I’ve noticed how disappointment affects me in such profoundly painful ways. I’m triggered to a place of trauma. Disappointment over strained family relationships. Disillusionment over this homebuild and all the pieces that have broken or still need to be built. Disappointment over lack of help when it’s hard, emergency health issues, and all other things I’m recognizing are to a degree out of my control.

I keep coming back to prayer. Its power, its practice.

Lord, please meet me in this place of very real hardship and please heal my family from illness, please heal my heart of all the disappointment I’ve been carrying the past few days and weeks and months. Please guard me against bitterness. Soften my gaze to see your hand at work in my day, in my life. Thank you Abba God. Amen.

“but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint.” Isaiah 40:31

As I sit here, longing for rest and unable to see it yet, I ask God that you help me to walk through my disappointment in healthy ways. Please teach me how to do this. x

16 thoughts on “Morning at the ER”

  1. I am praying for healing grace for you and your family. Seems so hard sometimes to give it up to God when we want to control and make things better ourselves. Sending love, hugs and prayers.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. In Jesus name amen ?? praying with you friend. So tough hearing what your going through, thank you for reaching out for prayers. I remember when we had to fly to Kapiolani on Oahu for my little Elliana.. God is our anchor ??

    Refiners fire, my hearts one desire, is to be holy set apart for you, Lord, I choose to be holy Set apart for you my Master, ready to do your will.. Purify my heart, let me be as gold and precious silver. Purify my heart, let me be as gold, pure gold. That’s us friend ? Pls let me know how we can help you and your ohana. I’m home and off this week, happy to help in anyway I can ?? hugs and lots of love always, Leilani

    Get Outlook for iOS ________________________________

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I pray for you and your family. My prayer is also some day I will be able to meet you all in person. Your writings give me hope that I too may be a better person through hard work and commitment to all that is good. God is listening.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Yes 2023 has not proved to be the best. I fell again on Friday the 13th but only sprained my thumb. I have an extra good Angel watching over me. God is good I went to
    Church yesterday and prayed for all of you. And on Wednesday I go for a CT scan for an arortic aneurysm I have that grew.
    So my problems seemed so big. But when a little precious boy is suffering then my problems seem far far away. God Bless you and I will pray very hard for you and. Your family

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Sorry to hear you are having a rough time. I definitely don’t do disappointment well either! Praying for healing for Cyrus and that you get to go on your adventure. Also praying for peace and comfort in knowing that if it doesn’t work out it was part of God’s plan and that He has good things planned for you and your family! Taking care of your family is good and valuable work, even though it is so hard and sometimes as Moms our needs seem to come last. (Preaching to myself here as well). Praying for extra strength and endurance.

    Much love,


    Get Outlook for iOS ________________________________

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s