Thank you

Thank you so much for your prayers for our ‘Ohana the past few weeks. It’s felt like a lot lately. Children sick with infections, hospital and doctor visits for them, then my pesky exercise injury turned more serious in the past two weeks with excruciating pain at night, back spasms and now chest spasms. Then our house flooding from the torrential rain this past weekend. (Yes, the third time our house has flooded since we moved in last October.)

Driving myself to the ER in the middle of the night last week, I thought to myself, “What if I died today? What would matter most in my life – Have I loved well? Do my children know how much I love them?” I spent the five minute drive asking the Lord for clarity on how to live better. How to love better.

What came to mind first was a confession. I didn’t want to spend so much of my life on social media. I don’t want to mindlessly scroll videos, reels, and see how other people are living. I want to focus on my family first, and give them my devotion and my time. Instead of comparing.

What I have, right now, is so beautiful. A husband who is loving and kind, who passionately pursues me and our family, who builds the most amazing things for us. Like this house, which is a work in progress and overwhelming at times, but it’s still a house we can say that we made. Together. These kids, I get to wake up and love and teach and serve and play with. They are miracles and I’m constantly in awe of how sweet their hearts are.

Yes it’s all very hard sometimes. Yes, I find myself crying often. Yes, I felt already at capacity in life and then one thing after another compounded, at which point I felt like my heart was going to break last week.

But then little things also took place. Little moments of reprieve – our one-night hotel getaway to the west side while our house was flooded. A friend – one of my very best friends!! – who made the big decision to move back to Maui after a year away and now she and her family are going to be here in two weeks and we can cry together (thank you Amanda!)

My cousin’s dad helped us suction out water from all the flooding in our house over the weekend. He really blessed us during a very low point.

My friend Alison who came with me to Urgent Care the night after I was at ER – she stayed with me for hours and held my hand through all my blood draws and let me cry and tell her my deepest fears, and she took me to McDonald’s for happy meals afterward and we laughed so hard.

And then my family and friends at church who prayed for me! And a friend who blessed me by paying a bill that was overdue. She sure surprised me!

Also my friend who offered to drop off coffee this morning to check-in on me.

I’m trying to lean into this season of hard with full confidence that God is going to walk with me. It’s going to be OK. I don’t need to have all the answers (although I want them so badly!!) Jesus has gone before me in all these things. He is here. Through these people, this community, who are showing up and loving us. They are the hands and feet of Jesus.

Praise God for His faithfulness.