Thankful

What a week it’s been. I’m so thankful for fresh starts, new beginnings, and opportunities to try again. Praise God it’s Wednesday. I feel like I can breathe more after a very full last week. I’m feeling so thankful for this gift of life, my family, our home, and most of all our Hope in Jesus. Ken and I have been traveling together through some intense grief and feelings of disappointment these past few weeks. I started seeing a counselor a couple weeks ago, and it has been such a blessing to talk to someone about these feelings, how to navigate difficult relationships and unsafe people, and things out of our control. I also started listening to Jennie Allen’s “Get Out of Your Head” series on RightNow Media, which I highly recommend! It’s so empowering. We have so much strength in Jesus!

The past few days have been a blur. Ken spent the bulk of Saturday morning at urgent care with our youngest, while I stayed at home with our other two children, distracting myself while fearful thoughts ran through my head. A great opportunity to practice “spiraling up” instead of “spiraling down” as Allen talks about. Reciting Bible verses, praying, and seeking God in the midst of the unknown. I talked to my older sister that day, and a couple close friends who kept me grounded. I praise God for them. For family and friends who text me to check-in each week, and pray over my family. Rose ended up getting the help she needed and is doing much better!

This morning, as I listened to the rain drizzling outside our kitchen window, I took a moment to pause and recenter my thoughts on the word of God, as the dishes, laundry, and seemingly endless day’s tasks weighed heavily on my heart. My counselor encouraged me that I’m going through a season of adjustment. Transition, she called it. Learning how best to spend my time and resources, particularly learning how to release and let go of unhealthy and destructive people, thoughts, and attitudes. It’s so hard. I’m such a people-pleaser. I love following the rules, and I work so hard at loving people well. But I don’t need to be everything to everyone. Praise Jesus.

In other news, I cannot believe it’s been 5 months now that I’ve been off Instagram. Say whaaat?! Where has the time gone? I’m getting nervous as I near the end of my 6-month Social Media Sabbatical because I don’t feel ready to get back on there just yet. I think the end of June is the official end date, if I want to scroll my IG feed again or check the unread message piling up (I got some emails notifying me of those…sorry if you’re waiting for a response.) But I’m resistant to log back on. This time has been so meaningful. I think more than anything, it’s freed up space for the Lord to really work on my heart. To root out so much need for approval, and desire for acceptance. It’s shown me – Christ has shown me – that I can just be. And that is enough. I am whole and set apart and completely loved, in Jesus.

Thank you, Lord, for this new week and the personal growth you are leading me toward. It’s painful, it hurts, but it’s life-giving. May I surrender myself more fully to you. In Jesus’s precious Name, amen.

P.S.S. Can I share just one more thing?? I’m soooo EXCITED because some my college besties are coming to MAUI this summer!!! Eeeeeek. I could cry. I love my friends so much. If you’re reading this, thank you for choosing me. BFFs for life!! xx

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