Eklutna Lake, Alaska

“To the lover of pure wildness Alaska is one of the most wonderful countries in the world.” …it seems as if surely we must at length reach the very paradise of the poets, the abode of the blessed.” – John Muir, Travels in Alaska

Returning to all the old places we loved when Ken and I lived here in Alaska more than a decade ago. Eklutna Lake was high on that list. We’d kayak here and walk the trails with our dog. A beautiful panorama of Alaskan wildnerness.

I lasted two years in Alaska, where my husband hails from, before the darkness, cold, and aching loneliness of being so far from my family in Hawaii won out. We were three years into marriage and wide-eyed from our summer backpacking around Europe. Ken and I drove the Alcan from Seattle to Canada to Alaska with my best friend Jenn as our sidekick after returning to the US, and I think the excitement and grandeur wore off quickly in that first frigid winter in Anchorage. Chopping our own wood and stacking it for the fireplace, digging through snow in our driveway. I missed our lives in Seattle prior to the move – how walkable everything was. And bikeable. We loved the city and the hiking just outside of it.

In Alaska, we had to drive to get anywhere.

It’s felt like a decade of processing grief from our time living here. Any time we come back for a visit, I feel this pang in my heart. The weight of expectation – what I thought it would be like vs. what it was actually like. How I couldn’t just make myself magically like the very hard parts of living here, in Alaska.

I’m a Maui girl at heart. Who married a boy from Alaska. Together, we are figuring it out – what it means to pursue community and love our families well, who live an ocean apart.

Sometimes, I wonder if I could ever live here in Alaska again? I don’t know. We don’t know. But! It’s awesome to come back and see these mountains and hike with the kids and adventure through this rugged, untamed wilderness.

On a lighter note, Ken asked me if I could take a photo without smiling and here is the answer to that. I think I’m still smiling with my eyes. Meanwhile, my handsome man nailed the “no smiling” look. We have so much fun together.

I will always treasure this near month-long trip we took to Alaska with our kids.